Ah, gardening—a peaceful, rewarding, soul-nourishing activity that, over time, may also make us a little… different. If you’ve ever found yourself absentmindedly chatting with a tomato plant or walking into the grocery store still covered in compost dust, this post is for you.

Before stepping back into the “normal” world, here’s a friendly reminder of essential rules every gardener should follow to avoid alarming non-gardeners.

✅ The Gardener’s Survival Checklist Before Re-entering Society

🌿 Wash your hands (or, in extreme cases, consider a full shower).

• If your nails are still packed with soil, scrubbing like a surgeon is advised.
• If you’re unsure whether you need a shower, you definitely do.
• “Gardening requires lots of water—most of it in the form of perspiration.” – Lou Erickson

👥 Conversations should include topics beyond manure and compost.

• It turns out that not everyone is excited about worm castings at dinner.
• Exception: Fellow gardeners, who will happily discuss compost temperatures for hours.
• “A gardener’s best tool is the knowledge from previous mistakes.”

👢 Check your feet before leaving the house.

• Ensure you are not wearing muddy garden boots or your trusty old Chinese plastic slippers.
• Nothing screams “I live in the dirt” like showing up in town with one Croc and one rubber boot.
• “The best way to garden is to put on a big straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig.” – Texas Bix Bender

🗣️ Do not talk to your friend’s houseplants.

• Yes, your plants love it when you chat with them.
• No, your non-gardening friends will not understand.
• They may begin to question your mental stability. Proceed with caution.
• “You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt.” – Unknown

🚿 Wash your hands again. (Bathing is optional, depending on how much dirt you eat on a regular basis.)

• If people don’t visibly recoil when shaking your hand, you’ve done a good job.
• “Dirt is just matter out of place. In a garden, it’s exactly where it belongs.”

👨‍🌾 If your friends don’t talk to their plants, they are not real friends.

• Find new ones. 🌿💚
• “Show me your garden and I shall tell you what you are.” – Alfred Austin

So, Fellow Gardeners…

What’s the funniest gardening habit you’ve picked up over the years? Let’s share our quirks in the comments! 👇😆

💡 Bonus: Extra Gardener’s Survival Tips
✔ Avoid staring too long at people’s front yards, planning how you’d redesign them.
✔ Do NOT touch other people’s plants uninvited. Yes, even if they’re suffering.
✔ Try not to look too disgusted when someone says they buy tomatoes from the supermarket.
✔ If someone asks what you really do in your free time, don’t just whisper “compost.”
✔ “There are no gardening mistakes, only experiments.” – Janet Kilburn Phillips

🌱 Gardening is not just a hobby, it’s a way of life. But remember—occasionally rejoining society is recommended! 😉

Before you close up your garden for the season, make sure you’ve checked these winter prep essentials.

💚 If this post made you laugh, share it with a fellow gardener who understands the struggle! 💚